


Notes to Self

by Misc Kei (Maki_Kei)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, I mean they're just kind of writing to themselves, Letters, POV First Person, Prompt Fic, Self-Reflection, Touka is still a tsundere even when she's just writing a letter though, kind of, so of course it's first person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:51:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maki_Kei/pseuds/Misc%20Kei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki, Touka, Hinami, Koutarou and Suzuya write short letters of reflection to themselves. Here are those letters.</p><p>I had to do this as a book report for English, but I felt that they sounded nice so I decide I would post them in an edited form as a ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Notes to Self

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, can you believe this is the first thing I've posted that isn't romantic in any way, and I did it as an assignment first? 'Cause I can, woops.
> 
> I always get carried away and write way too much, so I thought rather than forgetting about how much effort I put into this, I would post it somewhere people would actually enjoy it and know what the hell I'm even talking about.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy~

Kaneki Ken:

The world is a very different place compared to what I always used to think. I used to have the same mindset as everyone else; I hated ghouls because they were the “enemy”.

My first personal encounter with one was with a girl named Rize Kamishiro, someone I thought I could get along with because I noticed that we have similar interests, only to find out she was one of _them_. (That's what I thought of them at the time, they were just animals higher on the food chain than us.) She tried to attack me, to kill and eat me, but as fate would have it we were caught up in an accident. She died immediately and I only survived due to an organ transplant. Regrettably the organ that I had to have replaced was some of my intestines, and the quickest way to save me was to use Rize’s, turning me half ghoul. At the time this was the worst thing to have happen to me, as my new intestine could only ingest human meat, that of whom I considered to be my friends and fellow citizens.

I starved myself for the longest time, until I ran into Touka, a ghoul who was part of a group of Ghouls who only eat the already deceased, who try and fit into human society: a coffee shop that caters to both humans and ghouls and goes by the name Anteiku. For me, that was the best place to be. Little did I know at the time that it would change my entire life and view of the world.

At first I thought I was an outcast, someone who couldn’t fit into either human or ghoul society, someone who is an enemy to both species. However, I soon came to realize that I am actually the only one on the face of this planet who can understand the human and ghoul points of view, and can fit into both cultures. I have to make both sides understand each other, I have to be their advocate, because they are both wrong, and they are both right.

I made it my new purpose in life, because ghouls just want to eat, and humans just want to not be eaten. In the end the goal is the same, they just want to live another day.

I believe that Anteiku has the right idea about how to live as a ghoul in a human society. I feel that this view on the world needs to be expressed to the world. I believe that ghouls and humans can live in peace, despite unpopular opinion, and Anteiku has figured out a way to do it.

 

Touka Kirishima:

Kaneki Ken is a strange kid, but I feel like he came to us for a reason. I first believed him to be a complete wuss, because my only ambition was to survive. He refused to eat, and I looked down on him for it because I thought he wasn't strong enough to. But maybe he was just strong enough not to. Still, _I_ wanted to live, and I wanted him to want to live.

Even though I try to fit into human society, even though I have human best friends and people I love on the other side, we are still natural enemies, and I was still born with a digestive system that can only allow me to eat the same flesh that sculpts the faces of my peers. I have always hated it, but I have also come to accept that that's just how I was born, and I can't help that, can I? All I can do about it is try to fit in.

My brother Ayato and I used to be in this struggle together, but his ego grew far too big, and he started to believe just like the others that the fight was and always will be between humans and ghouls. I used to think that, but now I've begun to believe that maybe we don't have to fight.

When I first ran into Anteiku, I felt as if it was my escape from the eternal balancing act between survival and maintaining a false humanity. When I ran into Kaneki, I felt as though maybe that tightrope never existed at all. Maybe humans and ghouls aren't so different after all, and my sense of humanity isn't false, but rather a real thing that I cannot have taken away from me.

Though I'll never admit it to him, Kaneki has made me believe that the struggle is not hopeless, and some day maybe there will be peace between us, and I can tell that ambition burns hot inside of him. Until that day comes, however, I want to help Kaneki and Anteiku to make the world a better place, for ghouls and humans.

 

Hinami Fueguchi:

 

I was born a ghoul, always have and will be this way, and so was my mother, and so was my father. So why did they have to die? Why do I have to die? Just because I exist? Just because I'm a ghoul? Humans always ask the question, “What about the children?”, “What about their families?”. I'm still a child, so what about me? My mother and father were part of a family, so what about them? What about Touka’s family? I know she and her brother don't get along, but I'm sure that if she died, Ayato would still be devastated, so what about him?

Touka was once attacked by a ghoul investigator who bated us by using my emotions over losing my family. Touka had to end his life before he ended ours, but she says he was wearing a wedding ring, which means that he has a family too. What about them? What was he fighting for? I hate all this fighting, I wish it would just stop. Why do we have to hate each other? Why can't we just live together?

I have always been full of questions like these, I just know how to deal with them better now, because I understand the world more. Life is unfair, but that doesn't mean we have to lay down and take it. Kaneki, Touka, Anteiku, even the Investigators, they have all taught me this. I just hope the world will get better from here on out.

 

Koutarou Amon:

I've been trained my whole life to think that ghouls are dangerous. They’re like a gun, unless you're in control of them, you should stay away. I have always believed very strongly that all ghouls must pay the heavy sum for committing the ultimate sin. By taking human lives, they deserved to have theirs taken as well.

I wouldn't come to wonder if maybe my thoughts were hypocritical until now, however. Now I am wondering to myself if we are all being hypocritical; isn't it all the same? Ghouls killing humans to eat them in order to survive is the same thing as humans killing pigs for their meat, isn't it? Who says humans are superior? Yet the idea that ghouls are so genetically close to us humans is what always pulls me back into thinking my ambitions are the truth. If they are almost human, and they are capable of having human thoughts and inhibitions (I have solid and thorough proof that that fact is true) isn’t ghouls killing humans almost the same as humans killing humans? This is why what the One Eyed Ghoul said makes me wonder if Ghouls feel the same way.

"Please...Don't make me a murderer,”  
That's what the boy said. The GHOUL. As if he was HUMAN, with human feelings. Are they really that different from us? Don't they want to survive like we do? But how much of a cost is too much when it comes to human lives? Just as they kill us to survive, we kill them to keep us alive. Mado was my teacher, and he had so much hatred for the ghouls that it rubbed off on me. After his death, and then Kudaba immediately after, I was filled with so much rage I just wanted to kill every ghoul I could get my hands on.

Since then, however, I've been having contradicting thoughts. Things I'd never have thought to think before, yet they still keep slipping into my mind. Yet we still go out and do our jobs as ghoul investigators by killing ghouls every day that we breathe, just as they kill us in order to keep breathing. It makes me lose hope that we will ever find a conclusion to the fighting.

For some reason, though, I have this special sort of feeling about the One Eyed Ghoul and his place in this world. I truly hope I don't have to run into him again so that this time _I_ don't have to be made the murderer.

 

Suzuya Juuzou:

I was told by Shinohara to write a “letter of reflection”. What does that even mean? Like I should know, I guess I'll just write whatever I feel like writing.

To start, Shinohara says that I'm a problem child. I know he never meant for me to hear him say that, but it's not like I really care anyway. Still, all the rest of the investigators talk about how they're worried about my “violent nature.” I don't know why, I don't think I'm doing anything bad, I do just as I'm told and kill ghouls.

Shinohara also scolds me a lot, in fact he just told me I shouldn't write irrelevant stuff in my letter before he even read it! It's not like he told me what to write about in the first place… Oh well, I'm not too worried about it, it kind of just seems like something he gave me just to pass the time anyway.

Speaking of worrying, Shinohara also tells me all the time that I should try not to make people worried. Why does everyone think I should be worried about? Especially Shinohara. That's okay though, because I really like Shinohara. He may be my partner, but I feel like he's more of a parent figure, he's especially more like that to me than Big Madame ever was.

 

P.s. (What does p.s. even stand for?) It’s funny to watch other people’s reactions, like Shinohara for instance, he gets really emotional sometimes. I’m saying this because he just read my letter and got really happy, he told me that even though most of it is nonsense, (I don't even know who I’m writing to anyway, what does he expect?) he appreciates that last bit. I don't really understand other people's emotions that well, but I think I feel what other people describe as being “happy”, hearing that from him. Yeah, I think I'd describe this as “I'm happy that you're happy, Shinohara”, or something.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was:  
> "Write Self-Reflecting letters as the characters from your book on how they view the world, life, and themselves."
> 
> Suzuya breaks the fourth wall in his letter, but that's about as "self-reflecting" as that kid is going to get.


End file.
